Big Changes
by Marie S Zachary
Summary: When Carrie has been sick for awhile she and Charolotte go to the doctor but she's in for a big surprise. She's pregnant. Rated t for mention of Domestic Discipline on Miranda and Steve's part. Oh and Charlotte is pregnant too
1. Carrie Point of View

Disclaimer: I don't HAVE sex in the city. I don't OWN Sex and the City_

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I have had the stomach flu for the past 12 days. I can't keep anything I eat down. Now I'm getting really bad headaches too. Big has taken note of that and he's getting concerned. It wasn't such a big deal except now my fingers are swelling up. I can't even wear the ring that he got me, so as a compromise I turned it into a necklace and wore it around my neck. That night as I was getting ready for bed Big and I had the following conversation.

"_I'm meeting the girls tomorrow for lunch," I told him_

"_Yeah okay," he said, "but I want you home after. I have a surprise for you"_

"_Oh. Can you give me a hint?"_

"_Yup"_

"_Will you give me a hint?"_

"_Nope"_

"_Come on"_

"_It's a surprise Carrie," he told me_

_Little did I know that by the end of the day I would have a surprise for him too. Here I was, sitting in this restaurant and talking with Samantha and Charlotte. Miranda couldn't come because she and Steve had a 'fight' and they were having a 'long discussion' that day. _

"_Carrie?"_

"_Yeah Charlotte?"_

"_How long have you been feeling sick for?"_

"_I dunno," I said, "maybe 12 days. Why?"_

"_I have an appointment with Dr. Citale today. I want you to come with me," she said_

"_Sure."_

"_Great. I'm going to call and make an appointment for you"_

"_What? Charlotte it's just the flu"_

_"Right. It's just the stomach flu. I'll pretend to believe that"_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_Carrie when was the last time you got your… p e r i o d," Charlotte asked spelling it out so Rose wouldn't start asking questions._

"_Are you suggesting I could be p r e g n a n t," I asked her_

"_Honey all it takes is a p e n i s and a v a g i n a," Samantha said, "and some h o t s e x"_

"_Samantha!"_

"_Well… I mean it's not like I'm saying anything that we don't know Charlotte"_

"_Yes but I prefer she doesn't know about that right now. She's 3"_

"_If you only knew what I knew when I was three"_

"_Yeah you knew everything about coloring," I said eager to break the tension._

_Charlotte called the doctor and made an appointment for me. I tried to shrug it off but to be honest I couldn't stop thinking about it. Could Charlotte be right? Was I pregnant? How would Big react? Miranda came in looking very uncomfortable._

"_Hey everyone," she said, "What did I miss?"_

"_Hey sweetheart," Samantha said, "are you okay?"_

"_I've been better. CDD is working well but this was the first time I was on the receiving end of it and I don't-"_

"_Okay," Charlotte said, "moving on"_

_Ever since Steve cheated on Miranda and they got back together they have been using something called CDD, Christian Domestic Discipline which basically gives, normally the husband but in this case both the right to discipline (physically) his or in this case her significant other. _

_They have rules that need to be adhered to. They have guideline… what the offenses are and what the punishments are. Cheating for example earned Steve a blistering belting for 15 minutes straight. Of course they wait until Brody is out of earshot and eye-shot. They didn't want him exposed to all of that._

"_I know what will make you feel better," Samantha told Miranda, "a nice hot soak with mineral oil. Come on. We are going to the spa"_

_After Samantha and Miranda left we were able to talk easier._

"_Charlotte I can't be pregnant"_

"_Honey if only I had a dime for every time I heard those words," Charlotte teased_

_Well the doctor confirmed that I was pregnant but it was more then that. Charlotte was pregnant too. I'm about 11 weeks along and Charlotte is in her 4__th__ month. She had been irregular for years so skipping periods was nothing she thought was a big deal. All I knew was one thing. It was going to be a very interesting 9 months… give or take. _


	2. Charlotte's Point of View

I don't know if Harry's name was spelled Harry or Hairy or Harrie so I just did my best guess_

* * *

___

I have learned several things from being a mother. Some things are very simple. For instance I know every Barney song and sesame street character by heart. Other things are not so easy. I learned that children are impressionable. They see a person acting a certain way in school or in a store they thing it's the right way for them to act. It could be totally inappropriate but they don't understand that. I learned that I shouldn't wear vintage pants when I am painting with my daughters. I learned that when babies teeth they cry non-stop 24/7. I learned to put paper on the wall if the kids want to color on the wall. I learned that it's okay to feel like you're going to get mad. I also learned that sometimes life has some unexpected surprises in store.

_How would Harry react about finding out that I'm going to have another baby? Would he be excited? Would he be scared? I knew I would find out soon._

"_Hey babe," Harry said when I came in._

"_Honey," I told him, "Sit down. We need to talk"_

"_As long as it's a discussion we haven't had before," he teased_

"_Well we did have this discussion before," I told him, "about 3 years ago"_

_He looked at me confused._

"_I had an appointment with Dr. Citale today. You know how I haven't been feeling very well lately?"_

"_Right. Is something wrong?"_

"_Not exactly," I told him_

"_What do you mean not exactly? How can something not exactly be wrong?"_

_I closed my eyes._

"_Well I… there's a reason I've been feeling sick lately"_

"_Is it serious?"_

"_In a way it is. It's going to change our lives"_

_He closed his eyes in horror. I think he half expected to hear I had cancer or something._

"_Our family… it's about to grow again. Honey, I'm going to have another baby"  
His eyes got wide. They started tearing up._

"_That," he said, "is the most wonderful news I have ever heard and I have heard plenty. How far along are you?"_

"_Four months," I shared, "I've always been irregular so I didn't think I could be pregnant again. I mean we had such a hard time conceiving Rose"_

_He looked at me._

"_Yeah I know," I said, "I should have been more aware"_

_He didn't say anything. There wasn't anything to be said. _

"_We have to tell the girls sooner or later"_

"_Maybe sooner rather then later," Harry said._

"_Probably for the best," I agreed, "but it's more complicated then that"_

"_Let me guess," he said, "Twins?"_

"_I don't know yet," I acknowledged, "Carrie is also pregnant"_

"_Carrie? Carrie Bradshaw Preston"_

"_That's the one"_

"_Oh GOD," Harry laughed, "I can't wait to see how Big reacts"_

_I laughed and swatted his shoulder._

"_Hey," he said laughing._

"_My next appointment is on Monday. Would you come?"_

"_I think I already did," Harry teased, "Hence you're pregnant"_

"_HARRY," I scolded, "the girls could hear you"_

"_Not likely," he told me, "They're playing with Brody"_

"_Still EW"_

"_It's not EW," Harry said, "It's how Rose came to be"_

_Suddenly I had a craving for pizza. _

"_Honey lets order a pizza"_

"_O…kay," he said_

"_We'll get cheese and pepperoni and then one with mushrooms"_

"_Hungry much"_

"_Hey… I'm the one who's pregnant," I pointed out_

"_Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what say we have a party next Sunday?"_

"_That would be great," I told him, "We can have the girls over and-"_

"_Not a small party. I'm thinking like the one we had a few years ago in the Marriott"_

_I squealed excitedly. It was NEVER a man's idea and it was often IMPOSSIBLE to convince a guy._

"_So I'll take that as a yes," Harry said laughing._

"_Yeah that's definitely a yes"_

_I called Carrie and Samantha and then Miranda._

"_Party on Monday," I told them and filled them in._

"_Oh my GOD are you serious?"_

"_That's pretty much what I said to Harry"_

"_Wait, huh," Miranda asked_

"_It was __**his **__idea!"_

"_It was __**his**__idea," she asked, "What does he feel guilty about"_

"_He's not like that," I said, "I learned that a little while ago" _


	3. Miranda's Point of View

_Victoria is my own creation based off a quick comment._

_ When I was 13 years old I got pregnant for the first time. I was going to have an abortion but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I had the baby. It was a beautiful little girl. She had black hair and blue eyes and I loved her with every fiber of my being. I knew it wouldn't be fair to her if I kept her. I gave her up for adoption to a couple that I thought was the best parents for her. They named her Victoria. I never saw her again after that, until today. I was at the spa in the mineral bath and a young woman sat down next to me. _

"_Rough day," she asked._

"_How can you tell?"_

"_You look like you're not in a great place right now"  
I sighed_

"_I'm not," I told her, "but I'll be feeling better soon"_

_ "My name is Victoria," she told me_

_I smiled._

"_That was my daughter's name"_

"_Was? Did she die?"_

_I shook my head._

"_I wanted her to have a better life. I gave her up for adoption to a family that could provide her with more then just love._

"_My mother did that for me too. She was- you're not Miranda Hobs are you?"_

"_Victoria Petersburg?"_

_At that moment I felt 100% better_

"_I always loved you," I told her, "I wanted you to have a better life. I was only 13."_

"_I know," she said, "and I am grateful to you for that"_

_We talked the whole afternoon and throughout lunch. I took her out to lunch_

_ I came home about 8 o'clock that night. I promised Steve I'd be in by 7._

"_Miranda you're late," he said sadly_

"_I saw Victoria," I told him happily kissing him_

"_Who?"_

"_Victoria Petersburg"_

_Steve gasped._

"_She told you didn't she?"_

"_Told me what?"_

"_Look Miranda she didn't know I was married. I never told her-"_

"_WAIT! ARE YOU SAYING THAT SHE IS THE ONE YOU s l e p t w i t h," I asked him angrily.  
I didn't hold it against her. She didn't know._

"_Well yes I assumed-"_

"_SHE'S MY DAUGHTER," I yelled at him, "the child I had when I was 13. She's 23 now"_

_He shifted uncomfortably._

"_You and I are going to have a s e r i o u s talk tonight when Broady leaves for his piano lesson," I told him whacking him once, hard on the posterior._

_ "I don't think that's in our contract," he said wincing._

"_I didn't say it would be that kind of talk"_

"_Are you feeling better babe," he asked._

_I took a breath to calm myself._

"_Yes. I am feeling a lot better. Actually I have to thank you."_

"_For what?"_

"_If it weren't for you," I told him, "I might have never have met my daughter"  
Steve hugged me._

"_You know I love you right babe"_

"_I do," I said, "and I love you too"_

_I smelled something very good. _

"_Are you cooking," I asked him_

"_Yeah," he sad, "I'm making your favorite dish. I felt like I owed you"_

"_Oh sweetie," I said kissing him, "You're damn right you do"_

_He laughed._

_Brody left for his piano lesson and I sat Steve down to have a nice long talk with him._

"_What were you thinking when you slept with a 21 year old"_

_ "For GOD sakes she's an adult not a child"_

_I didn't know why I was so upset. Maybe it was because she was my daughter. I don't know._

"_Look Miranda I know I was wrong for what I did but let's not rehash the past. It's not healthy to anyway"_

"_Fine," I said, "then what should we do?"_

"_I don't know," he said_

"_Sorry," I told him, "we have to do this. I __**love **__you __**too much to let **__anything ruin __**our relationship again and this is saving it **__so unless you have-"_

_He shut me up with a kiss. I kissed him back. _

"_Yeah I think I like that idea," I said_

"_So do I"_

_Steve is a very mild mannered man. __I was the one that follow through of CDD. He didn't want to. He was afraid to do it but it had been helping our marriage thus far._

_ The phone rang._

"_Hello?"_

"_Miranda it's met," Charlotte said, "You're never going to believe who's pregnant"_

"_I know. Carrie right?"_

"_Her too. But in 5 more months I'll be adding a little bundle of joy to my nest"_

_I screamed in excitement._

"_Congratulations Char," I told her, "I'm so excited"_

"_So what happened for you today," Charlotte asked_

"_I met Victoria," I told her_


	4. Samantha's POV or Carrie Tells Big

_Carrie asked me to come over to her apartment that night. This was going to be so fun to watch. I got there around seven o'clock and Carrie answered the door. Big wasn't in yet._

"_So are you excited," I asked her._

"_That's one word for it," Carrie said, "but I'm scared of how Big will react. I just know he's going to get mad"_

"_He's not going to get mad," I assured her, "He can't. First, you're pregnant and second of all you need a penis just as much as you need a vagina to get pregnant so he's just as reasonable as you are if not more"_

_Carrie laughed. Just then Big came in._

"_Hello Samantha," he said with a smile, "are you joining us for dinner?"_

"_Yes. There will be another guest too but you won't be able to see him or her just yet"_

_Carrie threw me a look_

"_Sorry honey," I told her_

"_What's going on," Big asked_

_Carrie asked Big to sit down._

"_Okay," he said sitting, "Now what's going on"_

"_Okay so you know I haven't been feeling well," she began_

_Big paled._

"_Oh GOD," he said, "Is it an allergic reaction to the jewelry"_

_I rolled my eyes. An allergic reaction to jewelry? What the—women wear jewelry all the time. _

"_No," Carrie said, "it's not an allergic reaction to the jewelry but I don't have the stomach flu. I was with the girls today-"_

"_CARRIE-"_

"_Please let me finish," she said firmly_

_He nodded._

"_I'm sorry," he said, "Please continue"_

"_So I was with the girls today and Charlotte had a doctor's appointment. She thought that I needed to go with her."_

"_Well that's understandable," he said, "for support?"_

"_Big it's a little more complicated then that. Charlotte's appointment was with Dr. Citale"_

"_The OBGYN?"_

"_Right"_

"_She's pregnant?"_

_Carrie nodded._

"_Oh… well good for her"_

_Carrie looked very nervous. _

"_Look honey," she said, "Charlotte's not the only one that's pregnant"_

_A wide grin broke out on Big's face._

"_Samantha congratulations"_

"_Okay EW it's not me," I told her._

"_Miranda?"_

_Carrie shook her head._

"_It's me," Carrie said, "and before you react I am __**not **__having an abortion. I know neither of us wanted children but Big this baby is growing inside me. He's a part of us-"_

_I cleared my throat._

"_What," Carrie said_

"_How do you know it's a he? Honey I like boys as much as the next woman but you know it could be a girl"_

"_He is only a pronoun," Carrie said, "The point is Big this baby… boy or girl is a part of us and I already love him or her."_

_Big looked like he was about to hyperventilate._

"_Us…baby…our…son…or daughter…we…parents"  
I laughed_

"_Can you talk in a complete sentence," I teased him._

"_I'm sorry Samantha," he said, "I'm a little in shock right now. I… I can't… how did this happen?"_

_I knew I shouldn't but I couldn't resist._

"_Didn't you and your mother have 'the talk' many years ago"_

_Carrie laughed._

_Big got up and started to pace the floor._

"_I don't know… I don't know how to be a father. What if I do something wrong? What if I break the baby?"_

"_It's a baby," I said, "not a glass cup"_

"_I-I don't know. Maybe it's not fair to the baby if we keep it. He or she should be raised by someone who knows how to be a parent. Maybe we should give the baby to a better couple then us"_

"_Yeah I DON'T THINK SO," Carrie said._

_"Come on Samantha," Big said, "You agree with me don't you?"_

_I shook my head._

"_Actually I don't. This is a child not a dog."_

"_But-"_

"_Look ultimately it's not up to me," I said getting serious, "but you might want to think about what's best for your wife and your child!"_

"_I just want to baby to be safe and happy and loved"_

"_You'll come to love the baby," Carrie promised him._

"_I already do," Big replied, "that's why I don't think it's fair for us to keep him"_

"_Or her," I added_

"_Right. We don't have the experience it takes"_

"_This is our child," Carrie exploded_

"_Honey," Big began but Carrie interrupted_

"_No. I understand that the man is the head of the household but I'm putting my foot down now. I __**won't **__get rid of this baby. I just won't!"_

_Big put his head in his hands and sighed. Then he looked up at Carrie who had tears in her eyes._

"_I'm not forcing you to do it," he said lightly putting his hands on her shoulders, "Ultimately you have the final say on this but maybe you could consider it?"_

"_I CAN'T," Carrie replied firmly, "I love this baby"_

"_I just don't know if I can be a good dad," Big said_

* * *

_AN: Don't worry. Big is going to get more and more excited and more and more supportive_


	5. Big's Point of View

_ Ever since Carrie got pregnant I've been scared as hell. Don't get me wrong… I love children. I really do. But I don't know what kind of a father I'm going to be. I didn't have such a great example growing up and now how am I going to be a father. I have never even changed a diaper. I don't even know how to do that. I still think that Carrie should have an… well at least give the kid up for adoption to someone who would be better parent then us. I just don't know how to raise this child. I mean it would be easier if it was going to be a boy but Carrie had an amino and we found out we're having a girl. Boys I know how to raise and I know how boys I know how to connect with. Boys like sports. Boys like bumping and passing gas. I'm not able to do that in my business meetings obviously but it's fun when it's with one of the guys. Little girls are different. Little girls… they're princesses. They need to be cradled and molly coddled and taken care of. They can't be taught how to be a man. Carrie has been emotional after she got pregnant. She has to go to her doctor appointment every week, which is understandable. Sometimes we go out for dinner or to see a show. Sometimes we go to a comedy club. Sometimes we go to a concert. Yes, I know about the situation at hand but it's not exactly the same when a woman is pregnant. They __**need**__ that release… and Samantha put it best when she said, "HONEY YOU MAY AS WELL ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN BECAUSE YOU WON'T BE HAVING MUCH OF IT AFTER THE BABY IS BORN." She is right. It's not that we won't have time to have fun but it's a different type of fun. It's… different. It's just… not the same._

_ Carrie came in while I was reading a book. _

"_**THE CARE AND HANDLING OF GIRLS **__huh," she said_

"_Yeah," I laughed, "Well I don't really know how to be the father of a girl."_

"_You can start by running across to the restaurant and picking me up an order of French fries," she suggested._

_I groaned but complied. I was not going to argue with my wife come hell or high water. I made the mistake once and it cost me DEARLY. _

"_Large," she added._

_I didn't say what I was thinking. That would have gotten me into a heap of trouble._

"_I've been better. CDD is working well but this was the first time I was on the receiving end of it and I don't-"_

"_Okay," Charlotte said, "moving on"_

_ Across the street at the restaurant I ran into Miranda._

"_Hey," she said, "How's it going?"_

"_Fine," I replied, "the truth is, "I'm a little nervous"_

"_About the baby?"_

"_DON'T tell Carrie," I said, "but I already love this baby"_

"_And that's a bad thing?"_

"_No… but… just don't tell Carrie okay?"_

"_Big," Miranda asked, "What's wrong? I mean, what's __**really **__wrong"_

"_I don't know how to be the best father I can be for her," I explained, "I'm worried I might break her or something"_

_Miranda laughed._

"_She's not a porcelain doll," she said laughing_

"_No," I replied, "she's a baby and she is the responsibility of me. What if I make mistakes?"_

"_You will," Miranda told me, "I have"_

"_You have?"_

"_Of course I have. What do you think? I'm not human?"_

"_I know you're human Miranda but you seem so in control"_

"_Except when I get mad when I shouldn't or when I have a bad day and can't stop crying or when a lot of things happen. _

"_I just don't know Miranda. I don't know if it's fair for this baby to be born. I don't know if it's fair to this baby to… have me as a parent. Carrie won't listen to reason"_

"_Big," Miranda told me, "__**you **__need to listen to reason. This is a product of the love you and Carrie have for one another. There is no need to doubt yourself"_


	6. Harry's Point of View

_For those of you who check everyday for updates you're better off getting an account and adding it to your check update list. I had writer's block and I'm not going to continue unless it's good.

* * *

_

Charlotte had to take Rose to her doctor's appointment. The poor kid was getting horrible ear infections lately and we didn't know what was causing it. I figured they were going to give her a shot or something. I had to watch Lily… while Charlotte took Rose. Charlotte called me about 20 minutes after she got there. She was sounding panicky.

"_Charlotte," I said, "Honey what is it"_

"_Well I don't know really," she told me, "the doctor said he needed to talk to us both"_

"_Okay," I told her, "I'm sure it's nothing"_

_Actually I was sure it was not nothing. If it were nothing the doctor wouldn't need to talk to us both. But I wasn't about to panic Charlotte._

"_I'll get my mother to stay with Lily and then I'll come and meet up with you"_

_My mom wasn't available. Luckily Carrie happened to come over at just the right time. _

"_Could you watch Lily," I asked her, "Rose's doctor needs to speak with both Charlotte and I"_

"_Sure," she said, "be glad to"_

_I thanked her and went off. I didn't know that my life was about to change again for the worse. _

_"Harry," the doctor said, "take a seat"_

_I sat down. Charlotte looked like she was about to have a conniption. _

"_Honey whatever it is we'll be fine," I told her._

"_There's no easy way to say this," the doctor said, "Rose has a tumor in her ear. I could see it when I looked with the oderscope _


	7. Steve's Point of View

**SATC your insulting comments are not going to get me off my writer's block any quicker. Your best bet is to get a pen name and put my story on alert. Also this story follows a pattern. It's Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, Samantha, Big, Harry, Steve Samantha…loop and repeat. If you only want to read about Carrie and Big only read those chapters. **

* * *

_I am sitting (if you could call it that) on the den sofa where I have been thinking about a lot of things. My life is changing quickly. Some changes are good. Some are not so good. Miranda just got the letter in the mail. She is going to become a judge. That is incredible news. She'll be able to be home more when our son is home. She will also be getting a huge raise and we could definitely use the money right now. I want to have a 2__nd__ baby… well, my second her 3__rd__. I have talked to her about it yet. I know as a guy I'm in charge but I don't really like that. A relationship needs to be between two people. That's why I like the program we're doing right now. Well, I like it when I'm not feeling like crud. I think it's really important that we communicate with each other and that we do things when we both feel ready, not just me. I'm not going to bring it up with her until she's settled in her new career. _

_A not so good change was Miranda meeting Victoria. If I were smart I would put my foot down and forbid Miranda to bring Victoria over to the house. It would be uncomfortable for everyone. It would especially be uncomfortable for Victoria since I slept with her. But I wasn't smart. I wasn't smart for two reasons. First of all I knew if I even tried that I would be __**raw**__for a long time. Secondly I knew it would hurt Miranda. She had the right to have a relationship with her daughter. She wanted to. She always loved Victoria. I could read her like… her even though sometimes I played dumb. _

_Miranda was smart. She was always very good at communicating. Say I did something that upset her. Well first we would have a talk. She would explain to me why it upset her. Next she would ask me if I understood why it upset her. If I didn't understand she would explain it again, breaking it down. If I __**did **__understand she would have me repeat it back to her in my own words. She would do the same thing with Broady… not that she would get mad at him but she would always have him repeat it back to her in his own words to make sure he understood what was being said. This was witnessed once by a friend of ours who started doing the same thing. It makes sense because anyone can think they understand but when it comes down to it they don't always understand even when they think they do. That can lead to all sorts of problems._

_One time one of Miranda's friends who knows that Miranda sometimes gets mad at me and also knows she doesn't get mad at Broady asked her why she gets mad at me but doesn't get mad at Broady. She explained that I'm an adult and Broady is a child. He doesn't know right from wrong. I do. I hate getting mad at her. I almost refused to do it but she insisted that I had to. She and I have a deep love and she wasn't going to let it be destroyed. I felt worse then she did. The phone rang and I picked it up. It was Charlotte. _

"_Steve," she asked, "Is Miranda there"_

"_Yeah hold on," I said, "I'll get her"_

"_Thanks"_

_I called to Miranda._

"_Randa," I said, "It's Charlotte. She seems really upset"_

_She picked up the phone. She talked for a couple of minutes._

"_Oh sweetie I'm so sorry," she said, "No definitely. Oh of course. I will be there"_

_She hung up the phone._

"_Steve," she said, "I have to go out for awhile"_

"_Randa-"_

"_It's important,"__ she told me, "It's about Rose. She has a tumor in her ear. Charlotte needs me"_

_That was horrible to even think about. What if it had been Broady in those shoes?_

"_Okay," I told her, "Do you need me to come with you?"_

"_That's sweet," Miranda said, "but you don't exactly have the best social skills in the world. Your jokes are great but they're not really right in this situation. I'll call you and I'll be back as soon as I can"_

"_Take your time," I told her_

"_I love you"_

"_I love you"_


	8. Samantha's Point of view

_Sometimes I think about my life. Sometimes I drink. Sometimes I do a lot of things. But today wasn't one of those days. Today I was FREAKING OUT! I had done a stupid thing 3 months ago. I had unprotected sex. When I started throwing up I knew what was wrong. I went to a doctor and it was revealed that I was 3 months pregnant. Pregnant! Me. How can I take care of a baby? I can barely take care of myself sometimes. I'm not exactly the maternal type. I like living my own life. I like doing what I want, when I want without any demands put on me. And yet I keep picking up the phone to call the abortion clinic and I find I can't dial the number. To my absolute horror I have discovered that I love this baby that is growing in me. How can I love him? He's… he invaded my body. He took over my hormones and my emotions and I **love **him. It doesn't make any sense. He's not even a baby yet. He's just a clump of cells._

_I find myself picturing what the baby is going to be like. Will he be a boy or a girl? Will he have hair? What color will his eyes be? Will he be healthy? Will he be a happy child? Will he like sports or theater or music? Will he be a bright child? Will he be loving? Will he be an easy baby or will he wake up every ten minutes crying? Will he cry a lot? I know Rose did. Now we know why. OH GOD! Will my baby have to go through something like that? Will he be sensitive? Will he be funny? Will he be thoughtful? Will he be a quiet baby or a loud baby? Will he be smart?_

_More terrifying then all the questions I had about Francesco or Alexandra are the questions I had for myself. Would I be a good mother? Would I love this baby? I already did. Would I be able to provide for his needs? Would I be able to help him with his homework? Would I be able to not resent him for getting in the way of things I wanted to do? Would I be able to support this child? If he's a boy was I going to get him **[1]**clipped? How was I going to raise him without a man to support me? I would be the only adult. No man wants a used woman. That's as bad as buying a used car. Will I be able to grow into motherhood? I never thought I would want to be a mother. I never planned to be a mother. I just… made a mistake but the baby isn't a mistake. The baby was unplanned but not unwanted. He is probably the most wanted baby ever._

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[1] Circumsized

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Do you want Samantha to have a boy or a girl or both. Your vote counts


	9. Carrie's Point of View

_ Pregnancy is a strange thing. I still can't get over the fact that there is human life GROWING inside of me. I never wanted a child but now that I found out I'm going to have one… she is the light of my life. She is the reason I get up in the morning. She is the reason I take care of myself. Big is having a harder time adjusting. He's still in shock about the fact that he's going to be a father. He doesn't say so but I think he's disappointed it's a girl._

"Honey," I asked him, "Can you get me some iced tea?"

"Sure," he said with a slight sigh

"Did I say something wrong," I asked at his sigh

I nodded sympathetically. He came and sat down next to me.

"Look Carrie I want to talk to you about something"

"Sure"

"I know that abortion is out of the question," he said, "It's too late to consider it anyway but what about adoption"

"Honestly," I exclaimed, "This is **our baby **Big! How can you **not **love her?"

"I never said I didn't love her," he replied calmly, "I said what about adoption?"

"I don't want to give her up"

"Carrie we're in our later years. You're forty and I'm fifty-two. By the time she's ten I'll be sixty-two and you'll be fifty. By the time-"

"I'm not going to give her up," I said firmly

"We have to think of what's best for her," he said

"What's best for **her **is to be raised by **her parents**_. _You can either be in this with me or walk away from the marriage but you are still not going to convince me to give up our baby. I love you Big but I love our baby more."

"Carrie-"

"I mean it"

We have had this conversation multiple times since I got pregnant.

"Carrie you don't have to be so defensive"

"I'm not going to give the baby up," I told him firmly, "This is not open for debate just like the fact that we aren't going to hit-"

"What?"

"You heard me"

"How can you raise a child without hitting," Big asked me.

"I was raised without being hit"

"That would explain your stubbornness," Big muttered.

"WHAT WAS THAT," I challenged him.

"You refuse to consider any other opinion besides your own. You think you're always right. You **knew **I didn't want to be a father. You knew that and still you're insisting on keeping the baby!"

"IF I RECALL CORRECTLY IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE TO MAKE A BABY," I yelled at him.

"And both people have to be in agreement about what to do?"

"But I'm not in agreement with you. Now the ball is in your court. You can stay or you can go. I'm not getting rid of this baby"

I was furious right now.

"Fine," Big said, "I'll stay"

"How very big of you," I said sarcastically.

"But I warn you that **you **are going to be responsible for the baby **not **me. I'll play with her. I'll love on her but I will **not be changing diapers **and I will **not be getting up in the early morning hours **to take care of her feedings. You're the one who wants this responsibility. I think you're insane"

"You know what," I snapped, "Why don't you grow up a little bit. Act your age not your IQ! You're being more immature then this baby and **she hasn't even been born yet! **You are her father-"

"I don't want to be a father," he said, "I'm not ready for fatherhood. I'm too old. Fuck Carrie I can't even get up without hurting my back. How am I supposed to care for a baby?"

"It doesn't matter whether you want to be a father or not we have a baby on the way. I need you to support me. I need you to be with me not against me. I'm not going to be bullied by you. This is unacceptable. You stay and be in it 100% or you leave because I will not have this baby growing up thinking her father thinks she's a mistake."

At that he softened.

"I'm sorry Carrie," he mumbled, "I'm in it 100 percent"

"Actions speak louder then words," I told him, "You can start by getting me some iced tea"

"Can't you get it," he said, "My back hurts"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Fine," he said and got me the iced tea.


	10. Charlotte's POV

Carrie was telling me about the problems she was having with Big. I tried to listen but my mind kept getting distracted. All I could think about was Rose. She was so sick. DAMN how could a Rose be so sick. I've been watching her throw up from the chemotherapy and lose her hair and wishing so hard that I could take it for her. But I can't. First of all it's physically impossible and I couldn't even if I wanted to because I'm pregnant. I have to stay healthy for my babies.

"HE ACTUALLY WANTS ME TO PUT THE BABY UP FOR ADOPTION," Carrie yelled, "Can you believe the nerve of him"

"Sounds good," I mumbled not really listening.

"WHAT!"

I sighed. Clearly I wasn't able to fool Carrie.

"I'm sorry," I said, "Rose had a chemotherapy appointment today so my mind is elsewhere"

"How's she doing," Carrie asked sympathetically

"Not great," I said

"I wish I could make it better... or someone could make it better," Carrie said

That's one thing about Carrie that I loved. She was not self centered. She was always thinking about what's good for everyone else.

"I wish I could too," I said, "It kills me to see my baby on chemotherapy. I mean she's 3 for GOD sake"

"I know how old she is," Carrie said, "I remember when she was born. Is being a mom really like... what's it like?"

"It's amazing," I said, "and scary and wonderful and frustrating and exciting and horrifying. You wonder all the time how you're going to be able to be responsible for this life that you're bringing into the world... or into your home. You can't lose your cool even if you want to and I know that a lot of people do but that's just not for me"

"It's not for me either," Carrie said, "which Big thinks is 'immature' and 'unrealistic'. He doesn't think children can learn unless they-"

"Yeah I know. My brother thought the same way until his first child was born. She changed him."

"Big keeps saying that we're insane to have this baby"

"Heard that one too. My sister's husband said that to her before Lauren was born"

She told me about what he said about he won't change diapers and he won't get up to feed the baby and so on and so forth

"Yeah he's saying that to pressure you into considering adoption," I explained

"Well it's not going to work," she said firmly, "I am not going to get rid of this baby. I love her Charlotte. I love her. She is mine."

"That's how I felt about Rose and Lily"

"But you had Harry supporting you"

"And when push comes to shove you will have Big supporting you," I told her comfortingly

I honestly believed it. There's no way that Big wouldn't support her.

"I hope so," Carrie said with a sigh, "Cause I'm not giving this baby up"


	11. Maranda's point of view or I didn't know

I woke up this morning with a stomach-ache. Steve said he would take care of Broody and got me a heat pack. By the time a few hours passed my stomach-ache was getting worse. Steve finally called Carrie who babysat for Broody while he took me to the hospital.

"Where is the pain," they asked and I motioned to it.

The doctor did a sonogram

"Oh my goodness," the doctor said, "How far along are you"

"What?"

"Well you're obviously about 7 months along but how long did you know"

"I'm what!"

They looked at each other."

_"Honey," _the nurse told me, "You're pregnant"

"Pregnant! Are you serious?"

I couldn't believe it. How could I have missed the signs? I had a little stomach sickness but I thought for sure it was just a flu but now... I was pregnant and according to the doctor, in labor.


	12. Samantha's POV

_"Samantha it's me," Carrie said, "Miranda's in the hospital."_

_My heart dropped to my toes._

_"She's what?"_

_"She just gave birth," Carrie added._

_I swear I thought my eyes would fall out of my head._

_"SHE WHAT!"_

_"Yes. She had a baby girl."_

_"I didn't even know she was pregnant!"_

_"She didn't either," Carrie told me._

_"Wow. I'll be right there," I said_

Ten minutes later I was at the hospital in Miranda's room. _Big and Carrie were there too. _

_"Hey everyone," Miranda said with a smile, "Meet Taylor Elizabeth"_

_She named her baby Taylor? That's my son's name. Should I pick a different name for my baby. He kicked again._

_"Okay sweetie," I whispered to him, "I know you're here"_

_"Miranda," Big asked, "Can I hold her"_

_Miranda gently handed Big the baby. All of a sudden his heart melted. He held her for almost an hour. Then he whispered something to Carrie. Her eyes lit up and she wrapped her arms around Big. I wasn't sure what was going on but I suspected Big was now happy about Carrie and him having a baby. Taylor kicked again. He could obviously feel the love. He also obviously wanted me to tell everyone the news._

_"I have an announcement," I said_

_Everyone stopped and gave me their attention._

_"I'm pregnant," I told them, "4 months along. It's a boy"_

_Miranda looked like she was about to have another baby the way her face changed so quickly. Brady could care less. He was too busy holding his sister. Steve tried to brush it off thinking it was a joke which it wasn't. When I confirmed that I was really pregnant and it wasn't a joke he was stunned. Charlotte was shocked and excited. _

"_Samantha congratulations"_

_"Thanks," I said, "I'm so excited."_

"Okay who are you and what have you done to Samantha," Carrie teased, "You were always the one saying you **never **wanted to have kids."

"I didn't," I said, "But I am and I have grown to love him. In fact I've even given him a name."

"What name," Miranda asked.

"Taylor. Just like your baby. I'm not sure what his middle name is going to be though"

"How about James," Lily suggested taking the baby.

I smiled. Taylor James. I liked that.

"James it is," I said.

_"Hey Miranda," Charlotte said_

_"Yeah Char what's up"_

_"I want you to know I appreciate that you were there for me when I was going through so much... and that you still are. It means a lot to me. You would have every right to not be but you were-"_

_"I wouldn't have any right not to be. You're my best friend and you're going through enough as it is. I'll always be there for you."_


	13. Big's View

_After Carrie and I got home I sat Carrie down in the other room._

_"Honey," I said, "Can we talk?"_

_"Is this another attempt to try to get me to chose adoption," Carrie asked_

_"No," I said, "It's the opposite. Carrie when I held Taylor today I realized something. Our child is not just an abstract thing. She's a person. She's the best of you and me. I never saw our baby as a person. I just thought of her as an interference. But she's not. We'll have to change our lives because we can't expect her to fold into our lives but it's worth it. I'm scared Carrie because we're older parents but I know that we are going to be the best parents we possibly can be. We'll find a balance. We'll do it. We'll work it out. I know we can do that."  
Carrie hugged me. The phone rang. I went to pick it up._

_"Hello?"_

_"Is this John James Preston," the voice on the other line asked._

_"Yes," I said, "Who am I speaking with?"_

_"My name is Roger Smith. I am a friend... I was a friend of Harold and Charlotte-"_

_"Was? What do you mean WAS?"_

_"There was an accident," the man on the phone told me, "Charlotte and Harold were killed on their way home from the hospital. Charlotte was far enough along in her pregnancy they were able to save the babies via C section."_

_"Babies?"_

_"Two girls and a boy," Mr. Smith said._

_"Alright. Um... wow-"_

_"Charlotte and Harold named you and Carrie in their will. You will be the guardian of their children"_

_I swear my heart stopped._

_"Um... WHAT," I asked, "I... mean what!"_

_"I know this is a lot to take in. I helped them write out the will. I'll contact you further. I am **very **sorry'_

_I hung up in shock. Carrie was sitting next to me._

_"Honey," she asked, "Is something wrong?"  
I grabbed her hand._

_"Charlotte and Harry were in an accident today," I said, "They were killed but they were able to save Charlotte's babies and they named us the guardians of Charlotte's children."_

_"WHAT," she yelled, "CHARLOTTE AND HARRY ARE DEAD!"_

_I held her to me. I stroked her hair and soothed her as best as I could. _

_"Baby I am so sorry," I said, "I am hurting just as much as you are."_

_She started to cry. It was like she was a little girl having a bad day. _

_"It's not fair" she said, "We lost our friend and those beautiful children lost their parents"_

_I held her._

_"I know," I said_

_"We're taking the girls in," Carrie told me, "I can't dishonor Charlotte like that... and the babies too... what did she have?"_

_"Two girls and a boy," I said, "and of course we're taking them in."_


	14. Lily's Point of view

Mommy and daddy had aunt Samantha take us home last night but they never came to get us. Rose asked a lot of times "where is mommy" "where is daddy" and I didn't know. I just told her they're visiting aunt Miranda more because she just had baby Taylor and she need them to be there but by the time I woke up and they weren't there I was worried. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. It was Aunt Carrie and uncle Big.

"Girls," she told us scooping us up and giving us hug, "Sit down okay. I need to talk to you about something."

We sat down.

"First of all you have two new sisters and a new brother"

"Cool," I said, "What are their names"

"What names do you like"

"Charles," I said, "For my brother"

"I like Melanie for my sister," Rose said

_"I like Alison for my other sister," Rose and I said at the same time._

_"Great choices," Uncle Big said, "They'll be Charles, Melanie and Alison"_

_"YAY!"_

_"Girls," Aunt Carrie said, "Your mommy and daddy were driving home last night and they got a boo-boo. It was a really bad boo-boo and it couldn't be fixed so they had to go up to the sky"_

_"Are they gonna fix it in the sky," Rose asked._

_"Sweetie, they're living in the sky now," Uncle Big said, "Aunt Carrie and I will be taking care of you"_

_I was sad but Rose didn't understand. She just said "K" while I sat there with tears running down my eyes_


	15. Steve's POV

_Miranda still didn't know about Charlotte and Harry and I dreaded telling her. I came into the hospital room about six o'clock this morning._

_"Steve," she said smiling, "Since when are you up so early"_

_"Well I have a baby now," I pointed out, "I have to be up early when she gets up"_

_"With Brady it was always, "Randa the baby's crying"_

_"I wasn't mature at that point," I explained_

_"Why do you look sad," she asked me._

_"Randa," I said, "This is going to be hard to tell you but something happened to Charlotte and Harry last night. They were in a car accident. A drunk driver hit their car and they were killed on impact. They couldn't be resuscitated"_

_Miranda stared in silence. She looked like she had been shocked._

_"And the babies," she whispered._

_"They took them out through C section. Melanie came first then Charles then Alison. It was two girls and a boy."_

_"So are they alright," she asked._

_"Yes. They're fine"_

_"And Lily and Rose-"_

_"Charlotte and Harry named Big and Carrie the guardian's of the children. Honey it's for the best. We just had a new baby and-"_

_"I know. They need to be where they would be best off. Carrie and Big can give them anything they need. They can give them anything they want. They love children. They- OH GOD STEVE I CAN'T BELIEVE CHARLOTTE IS GONE. SHE WAS ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS. IT'S NOT FAIR," she sobbed breaking down. I comforted her. I knew how bad she was hurting right now. Harry was my best friend and I felt like I had lost my brother when he died. In a way I wish they would have named us Lily, Rose, Melanie, Charles and Allison's guardians but we just had a new baby and Taylor didn't need a full house. She had a mother, a father, an older brother and since Victoria came into our life an older sister. She didn't need a mother, a father 3 older sisters 1 of which had cancer, an older brother, 2 younger sisters and a younger brother who were infants. There would be time enough for her life to get insane. She needs stability in her younger years. The nurse brought the baby in._

_"Someone is hungry," she said_

_"Come'ere Taylor," Miranda cooed nursing her. She was a better nurser then Brady was. He couldn't always get it in his mouth. She suckled right away. When Miranda was caring for our baby all her troubles seemed to melt away. _

_"You're so beautiful Taylor," she whispered to the baby who had fallen asleep. At some point I suggested putting the baby down in the little bassinet they gave us for when she was in there. _

_"I want to hold her a little more," Miranda said stroking our daughter's cheek... the one on her face. I was a little worried though. Would Taylor be affected by the time that Randa and I had that argument? _

_"Steve?"_

_"Yeah babe," I said_

_"Do you think it's my fault that Charlotte and Harry are dead"_

_"Well I don't know," I said, "Were you driving the car that hit them?"_

_"No but if they weren't here they wouldn't have been going home hence they wouldn't have been hit in the__ drunk driving accident"_

_"Oh sure," I told her, "Because Charlotte would really let anything stop her from seeing one of her best friends in the hospital after she just **had a baby**.__"_

_Miranda realized I was right._

_"But I still miss her," she said_

_"I know," I told her, "I miss them too"_

_"Harry was your best friend," she said_

_"Yes. He was. I'm going to miss him. But he's in heaven now"_

_"Do you really believe in heaven," Miranda asked, "What kind of GOD would kill two innocent people"_

_"He didn't kill them Randa," I told her, "A drunk driver killed them"_


	16. Samantha

I still can't believe that Charlotte is gone. Don't get me wrong. It's a shame about Harry too but Charlotte was one of my best friends. As long as I could remember it was Charlotte, me, Miranda and Carrie. When I was going through a rough time it was Charlotte who came by to visit me every day (along with Carrie and Miranda) and made sure I was alright. When I had breast cancer it was Charlotte that calmed me down when I cried. Charlotte knew my flaws and she acted accordingly. She was patient with them. She was calm. She also never hesitated to tell it like it is; to me, but she would always keep my secrets. Of course if it was a secret that could put me in danger she wouldn't but that's just common sense.

I wish she had left the kids to me. But I was glad she didn't. I love Lily and Rose but I wasn't suited to raise six children. TJ was going to be enough of a responsibility. TJ stands for Taylor James. DAMN-IT! Charlotte will never get to meet TJ. She didn't get to meet Melanie, Charles or Alison. They were HER BABIES and she didn't get to see HER BABIES. She wouldn't get to see Lily graduate nursery school. She wouldn't get to see Rose get married or her grand babies or anything_._

_"Yes she will," a voice told me_

"Who are you," I asked the voice

_"I am who I am," the voice said, "The Heavenly Father- Yahoua by name and your friend is in my care"_

"Wait a minute," I said, "I thought GOD was the Heavenly Father"

_"That is the name that has been given to me over the years," He said, "But my original name; my Hebrew name is Yahoua. GOD means good luck or good fortune and I have nothing to do with luck or fortune. I have to do with blessing"_

"SOME BLESSING YOU'VE GIVEV TODAY," I snapped, "taking my best friend!"

_"I have given you 15 years with her," He said, "and I took her when it was her time."_

"You took 5 innocent children away from their parents"

_"No," He said, "You will see your friends again. Trust me when I say that. You will. And those children __will as well"_

"I still miss her," I said

_"Grieve not as an unbeliever," He told me, "But rather grieve as one with hope"_

"Yes L- yes Heavenly Father," I said

I still felt sad. I felt trapped. But in that moment I felt comforted. I didn't have to take care of myself. I have a Heavenly Father who is taking care of me. I have a Heavenly Father who loves me.

The phone rang.

"Hello," I said picking it up. It was Miranda.

"Hey Samantha," she said, "How are you holding up?"

"I- can I come down and visit you," I asked, "I think maybe seeing you and the baby would cheer me up and I have a doctor's appointment today anyway so that we can check and see how TJ is doing"

"TJ," she asked, "and of course you can come visit. You're always welcome"

"Thanks. TJ stands for Taylor James"

"Well I'll see you after your doctor's appointment," Miranda said

"See you than," I answered


	17. Carrie

Big and I are picking up Lily and Rose tomorrow. They're staying at Samantha's tonight. The doctors want to keep the triplets in the hospital for a few more days. I am... well I am still in shock. There has been some huge changes in my life. I went from having no kids to being the mother of 5 with one on the way. One of those children has cancer. All 5 of them just lost both parents. How am I going to manage being a mother of 5? Well I have Big so I know that I'm not alone. I'm grieving my best friends and at the same time I was given the best gift from them. I was given their beautiful children. Big and I went and got the papers signed to the children are officially ours. My life as a mother starts tomorrow.

I prayed. I prayed for the strength and the emotional well being to parent those five beautiful children. I prayed that the mood swings would not control me. I prayed that I was ready for the responsibility of being a mother. I prayed for the energy to deal with the midnight feedings... with **4** midnight feedings mind you. I prayed for the strength to be the best mother that I could be. I prayed for the wisdom to be positive but at the same time not fake. Then I fell asleep.

...

The next day we went to pick the girls up. There were hugs and kisses all around. Rose took most to the situation. She even called me mommy. Lily frowned when she heard that. Big got down to her level.

"Lily is something wrong honey," he asked her.

"I just miss my mom and dad," Lily said, "I don't want them to be forgotten."

He hugged her and spoke in a firm but soft tone.

"They never will be forgotten. They impacted so many people's lives it's impossible to forget them and they're in heaven now. They have no more fears and no more tears but they are watching over you will pride at the big beautiful girl you've become."

"Thank you," Lily said hugging him, "I don't know what to call you guys though."

"It doesn't matter what you call us," Big said, "You can even continue to call us what you always did until you're comfortable with more."

Lily sniffled. Then she nodded.

"Can we have something to eat," Rose asked, "I'm hungry"

"Sure," I told her, "Do you girls want to go out or would you rather eat when we get home."

"We want pizza," they said together.

"Well that was easy," Big said looking at me, "How about Chucky Cheese or we could go to Dingos."

We all agreed on Dingos. It was all the fun of Chucky Cheese but the food was better. Rose had her chemo appointment tonight so we would have to go early.

"Can I skip MEMMO," Rose asked.

"I wish you could," Big said, "But it's making you better so you need to continue until the doctor says you can stop"

"But it feels yucky," Rose said.

"I know honey," I told her, "It's like when you get a cut and someone has to clean it off. It stings for a second but it feels better right after that. It makes you better."

"Okay mommy," Rose said wrapping her arms around me.


	18. Lily

I love Carrie. I love Big. For some reason though I can't bring myself to call them mommy and daddy yet. I feel like it would be betraying my parents. Rose is at her chemo appointment. Big took her and Carrie is staying with me.

"Can I ask you something," I asked Carrie.

"Sure," Carrie said putting an arm around me, "What's up sweetie?"

"Are you mad at me cause I can't call you mommy yet?"

"No," she said right away, "Honey you just lost your parents. That's really a hard thing to go through. I lost my best friend when your mom died. I don't expect you nor would I expect you to just accept the fact that you have a new set of parents right away."

_"Rose did," I said softly_

She put one of her hands on top of mine.

"Rose is three years younger then you are," she reminded me, "She's only four and she has an easier time adjusting."

"Carrie is it always going to hurt," I asked her.

She paused.

"It's like when you have a bad day at school," she said knowing I had a couple of them, "It hurts but it fades away. You'll always miss your parents honey and you'll always love them but it won't always hurt. You'll also always have people who love you getting you through it."

My parents never made me feel down in the dumps when I had a rough day. They always supported me and told me that it was going to get better. They'd always be on my side but when I was wrong they would talk to me after I was feeling better about what I could have done differently.

"Do you know," Carrie said, "That when I first found out I was having a baby Big was not too happy about it?"

"Why," I asked, "I thought he loves this baby."

"Oh he does now. But he didn't feel comfortable with it back when I first found out I was having her. We used to have really bad fights about this because this was one situation I was in control of and I wouldn't even consider adopting this baby out. When Miranda had Taylor however Big held her for the first time and he felt like he was holding our baby. He realized how much of a gift our baby is. I'll tell you another secret too."

"Tell me," I said smiling.

"Sometimes things aren't as bad as they seem," she said, "I mean it's possible that things aren't as bad is it seems"

I smiled. Sometimes she's right. Sometimes things **aren't **as bad as it seems.

Rose and Big came in. Rose headed straight to the bathroom and Carrie followed her. Big sat down next to me.

"How are you holding up," he asked.

"Well at the moment I'm worried about Rose," I said.

"I know," he replied, "But I mean how are you holding up with what's going on. I know it's been hard for you honey."

"Of course it's hard for me," I said, "I mean I miss my mom and dad. It's not fair that they were taken so young"

"Your right," Big said, "It's **not **fair at all."

I could hear Rose throwing up and crying. I wanted to go in there and comfort her.

"I'm going to go take a nap," I said, "I'm really tired."

"Lily," he said, "You know I'm here for you and so is Carrie. We all are."

"I know," I said, "I just need to take a little time to wrap my mind around everything that's happening. It's a lot to take in"

"Yes," he said, "I know. You should be a kid. You shouldn't have to deal with all the adult problems. It's not fair and it's not right. I wish I could make it better for you. I wish **someone **could make it better for you."

"I know it will be better eventually," I said, "But I'm really tired right now. I'm gonna go take a nap."


	19. Maranda

I'm excited and I'm sad. Today Taylor and I are coming home. Everyone will be there. Carrie and Big are coming. The girls and the triplets will be there too of course. Samantha who is 6 months away from having her son. She decided Charles would be his Christian name after Charlotte and that is really sweet. But I wish that Charlotte and Harry would be there.

Steve came with our son and Broody jumped right on the bed.

"I wanna hold her," he said.

I smiled and carefully handed Tyler to her big brother while Steve helped him hold her.

"Careful now," I said now and again.

...

Big seemed natural as a father to the girls and the triplets so I was amazed.

"I'll go get Rose a cracker," he whispered to Carrie. Her chemo was making her sick today.

"Some soup would be better," I told him, "Steve just made some chicken soup today so let me get it for her."

"I'll do that," Steve said, "You just had a baby"

"Technically I had a baby 4 days ago," I said smirking.

I sat down on the sofa.

"Why can't I hold Taylor," Rose asked.

"Well you can sweetie," I told her, "as soon as your tummy is better."

"Well I want my tummy to be better now," Rose said.

"Here's some soup honey," Big told Rose.

"Okay daddy," Rose said drinking the soup.

I couldn't believe this was the same man who just months ago had a horrible fight with Carrie about this baby issue.

_Carrie knocked on my door about 4 in the morning. I could tell something was really wrong because she was extremely upset and it was 4 AM._

_"Carrie," I said, "What happened?"_

_"BIG IS A BIG JERK," she yelled._

_I put a finger to my lips. Broody was asleep._

_"Come on," I said, "Lets go out to the patio and talk."_

_I led her out to the patio and she sat down._

_"I'm sorry for disturbing you like this," Carrie said_

_"Not at all," I replied putting a hand on her slightly swollen belly, "You're my friend. Talk to me"_

_"Big was trying to push me into an abortion," Carrie said, "He even went on to say "You're not having this baby end of discussion","_

_I couldn't believe he would talk like that. We stayed up all night talking and the next day there was another knock at my door. It was Big._

_"Carrie," he said seeing her, "Why did you leave last night"_

_"You know why," she said, "You tried to push me into an abortion"_

_He sighed._

_"Fine," he said, "Have the baby. I'd just don't want to lose you"_

The same person who just a few months ago was horrified at the idea of being a father was now probably a candidate for father of the year.

"Big," Carrie said

"Is it time," he asked

"No I'm only 5 months gone," Carrie replied, "But she's kicking"

Big placed his hand of her swallow abdomen and his eyes widened as the baby kicked.

"Okay," Rose said sitting next to me, "I feel better"

I carefully handed her the baby.

"Remember," I said, "You need to support her head.  
"Is her head sad," Rose asked innocently. I laughed and explained her what that meant. Rose held Taylor for a few minutes before her stomach starting bothering her again. She ran to the bathroom. Big followed and so did Lily. Lily was adopted by Charlotte and Harry. There was an incident once where her adopted mother wanted her back. This was a complicated case. I will never forget that. It took a lot of manipulation on my part as I had just been assigned judge. Lily was a little girl at the time and Rose was just an infant.


	20. Samantha again

I am getting ready for tomorrow. It is the funeral of Charlotte and Harry. I shouldn't go. I hate funeral. I got sick at my first funeral. I got hurt at my second one. Saying goodbye to someone you love is hard. I have to say goodbye to Charlotte. Carrie and Big won't be there. Carrie will be caring for Lily and Big will be taking Rose to her chemo appointment. I know how hard that has to be for her. I had chemo when I had breast cancer. TJ kicked.

"You don't want to go to the funeral either huh," I whispered to him. I thought I felt another kick. But it's hard to tell. He's so little. The doctor said that he's going to be a tiny baby. I was so relieved when I found out he was a boy. I didn't think I'd be a good mother to a girl. It would be way too dramatic. What's worse I could have ended up with a daughter like me. TJ will be the best thing that could happen to me. I can't wait to meet him.

"Mommy doesn't want to go to the funeral either," I said, "But you're lucky. You didn't know Charlotte and Harry. You would have loved them sweetie and they would have loved you. Also you're still inside me so even though you'll be at the funeral you won't really be there."  
TJ kicked again. How is he kicking so much. He's only been kicking for a few days now.

"You know why else you're lucky," I told him, "You're allowed to kick and not get in trouble for it. In the womb is the only place you can kick and not be in trouble for doing it. I don't think you'll get in trouble a lot if at all," I said, "Cause your mommy did a lot of things in her day that I know I shouldn't have done but that's..."  
I just sat down and cried. I didn't want to go to the funeral. It was the place where I had to say goodbye to Charlotte and Harry. The phone rang. I picked it up. It was Miranda.

"Hello?"

"You okay Sam?"

"My best friend is dead," I whispered

"I know," Miranda said, "In a way I feel like I'm to blame. If I didn't have Taylor they wouldn't have been on the road when they were. If I didn't let Charlotte come to the hospital that day-"

"Give me a break," I said, "There is no way in hell Charlotte would miss that. You're her friend. She would come no matter what you said."

"Yes but I felt responsible," she told me, "and Steve said the same thing"

"Steve is right," I said, "He knows what he's talking about. Did you know Big tried to push Carrie into aborting the baby a few months ago?"

"Yes," Miranda said, "She came to my house when that happened. She was really upset. It's understandable that she would be. She even apologized for 'bothering' me. It was no bother at all. How are you feeling"  
I closed my eyes for a minute then answered.

"It was a bit of a rough day," I admitted.

"You're doing great," Miranda told me.

"Thanks," I said, "But this gets to be so tough"

"I know," Miranda replied, "But it will get easier"

"You know what I love about you Miranda," I told her, "You're an amazing friend. I love you"

"I love you too Samantha. You're like my sister... except we get along."

I laughed. Miranda never got along with her own sister.

"Well you never get annoyed when I act a little out of sorts. You always understand. You know I'm not being argumentative I'm just being me"

"Never change," Miranda said

"I don't think I could change even if I wanted to," I said, "But I wish I could change fate and make it so Charlotte and Harry didn't die"


	21. Big Again

It was not a good day for Carrie. She was sick and uncomfortable and couldn't care for the tripplets or Lily or Rose. Luckily the hospital where Rose gets her chemotherapy at had a day care program. Everyone was at Charlotte and Harry's funeral. I would not subject the girls to that and Rose couldn't go anyway. As Rose started her chemo apointment I sat by her side holding her hand.

"Daddy," she asked, "Why do I have to have this medicine. It's supposed to make me feel better but I just feel worse"

I ran my hands through her hair. She hadn't lost it yet and sighed. How do I explain this to her.

"It's making you better," I said, "I know you feel yucky sweetie but that's because the chemo is fighting the cancer. The cancer is making you feel yucky."

She nodded pretending she understood but she didn't. How could she? All of a sudden her body started shaking. She grabbed a basin and threw up in it. I rubbed her back speaking soothingly to her.

"I know," I told her, "I know"

I don't know what I knew but I know those words soothed her a little. She threw up again and she was sweating. She groaned as she threw up for the 3rd time.

...

Rose was out of chemo but she was having a rough day. Luckily by the time we got home Carrie was feeling better. She had slept for almost the whole day and was actually able to eat a little bit now. That was a relief because she was not able to keep anything down this morning. I didn't want to leave her but Rose needed to get her treatment and the kids had to come first.

"Feeling better," I asked her

"Sort of," she said, "It just comes on so suddenly"

"I know I does," I told her, "It will get better though. I wish I could take your place. I wish I could take Rose's place at her chemo too"

"I know," Carrie said, "So do I. This is so hard. I mean my mood swings alone..."

The doorbell rang. It was Miranda with Taylor and Broody.

"Miranda," I said, "Come on in. Rose, Lily Broody and Taylor are here"

Rose (who by that point was feeling better) rushed to ask if she could hold Taylor while Lily grabbed Broody to play. Miranda, Carrie and I sat on the living room couch

"How do you feel," Miranda asked Carrie.

"Pregnant," Carrie said laughing, "And Miranda I am so sorry about my mood swing the other day"

Miranda looked at Carrie bewildered.

"You're **sorry **about something that is **normal **when you're **pregnant**," she asked, "Why would you be sorry about that?"

"Well I know," she said, "I wasn't as nice as I could have been and yet you were untiringly patient with me. You didn't even..."

"You're like my sister," Miranda said, "And I know what it's like to be pregnant. You are carrying another human being inside of you. And I don't do that what I didn't even do. I have **never **done that and I **would never do that **because I know what it's like to be in that situation."

"Have you ever contempted anyone," I asked Miranda just bursting with curiousity.

Miranda looked at me like I had lost my mind.

"Contempted isn't a word," she told me

"Whatever. You know what I mean," I said, "Have you ever held a person in contempt"

"That was kind of random," Miranda said, "and no. I don't do that. I'm not so insecure that it is threatening to me when someone disagrees with me."

"What if someone insults you," I asked.

"Big seriously," Carrie said, "Random much"

"Maybe a little," I admitted.

AN: Sorry if that seemed random. It will make sense later.


	22. Charlotte's update from heaven

Before I continue with the next chapter I want to respond to a review I got. It was by a sweet person

Aimee 12/30/11 ch1  
wow! please can you write another chapter where God talks to Samantha?

Yes I will do that

because that bit was pretty cool. also it would be good if Victoria got pregnant too then her baby could grow up alongside Charles, Melanie, Allison, Taylor and my favorite TJ!

I think that would be too much but you did inspire another idea I had

I think she should have a boy to balance things out a bit more also it would be great if Carrie had twins and called them Harry and Charlotte after her dead friends!

Carrie isn't having twins but one of the characters are going to and you'll see who in this current chapter.

* * *

**For unto them a daughter will be born and she will bring into the darkness light. One will have already paved the way for her and she will be cometh from a great love between a man and his wife.**

This is Carrie's child. They are going to name this baby Majestic. Carrie and Big are such great parents already. Harry and I look down from heaven and see them with Rose and Lily and the tripplets and we are amazed. I can't believe how much Big has changed. He was dead set against this baby and now he is thrilled about it.

It's hard for the children losing us. Rose especially because she has chemo all the time so it's like a double boom. Lily I think has taken it the hardest. She knew us longest and she's stuck in between a world that she knows and one that is unfamiler to her. The triplets are a different story. They never knew anything besides Carrie and Big so they praise Yah are free from grief. Carrie's friend recently lost their first child, Jaylee and they're pregnant with their second. It's not going to be easy for them but they love the triplets and Rose and Lily said James and Chelsea are a big part of my children's life to which I am thankful for.

Miranda has her hands full. Taylor is... well to say the least she's very energetic when it comes to crying. Miranda, being a judge finds it exhusting because of her busy schedule but she wouldn't change a thing. This little girl makes her happy and makes her smile. I just wish she would stop blaming herself for the death of Harry and I. It wasn't her fault. Steve has tried to convince her of that too. Someone suggested he get mad at her for blaming herself. What that idiot was thinking I don't know. IF that idiot was thinking I **also **don't know. Things have definately changed since Taylor's birth.

It's amazing how one week can change things. Big became excited about being a father. Taylor was born. The triplets were born. Harry and I died. Lets see who else factors in. I told you about Miranda and Steve and their crew. Oh and about Carrie and Big and their crew... hmmmm let me see. Right. Victoria is going back to school for art therapy. She wants to work with children. I think Broady and Lily like each other. They're always wanting to play together and Lily even kissed him once. Of course he said it was 'icky' when Miranda asked him but I think he really liked it. He had a huge smile on his face.

Finally we have Samantha. Well you'll never believe this one. Samantha is carrying twins. The first baby is on her side so they haven't seen her and they won't until she is born. Samantha has chosen the name Taylor James Harold for the baby she knows about. The second baby she's naming Charlotte Anne Maylinne. They'll be TJ and CA for short.


	23. Randa Again

Charlotte has been gone almost a week now. I miss her terribly. The only thing that does get me through the grieving process is my family. Can you believe that Taylor is a week old already?

My phone rang. It was Carrie.

"Hey Car," I said, "What's up"

"So here's the thing," Carrie said, "Charlotte was going to be my baby's godmother. But she... well you know. I want you to be Majestic's godmother Miranda."

I grinned.

"I would love to," I told her, "Thank you."

"One more thing," Carrie said, "The girls want to go to this concert. It's child friendly and I think it would be such a good idea if you took Broady and Taylor too."

I paused a little unsure. Ultimately I decided that it would be alright.  
"Alright," I said, "That sounds like it would be nice. In fact," I added, "How about we stop at Nathan's after. I know the kids love it. I think we could use that after what's happened."

I could tell Carrie was smiling and crying too.

"Yes," Carrie said, "They would love that. I would love that"

"Is Big going to be there," I asked.

"Yeah," Carrie said, "I didn't think he would want to come but he's so supportive of me and of the kids and he really is finally excited about being a dad. Can you believe it?"

"Sure I can," I said, "So my friend wrote an article you should read. It is HALLERIOUS."

"Should I be offended that you've been reading other people's articles besides mine," Carrie teased.

"No you're still the best writer ever," I told her seriously.

"Thanks," Carrie said, "What's the article about?"

"It's called IN A WAY THAT'S KIND OF SORT OF EXACTLY WHAT IT IS MORE OR LESS"

"That sounds like a major oxymoron," Carrie told me.

"It is," I said, "That's the point"


	24. Samantha one more time

I'm in my fifth month and I finally popped. The evidence of his existence is finally here. I cannot believe this is happening. I cannot believe something good is happening for me! Samantha Jones. I was the bad girl of the bunch. I figured for sure there's no way something good would happen for me. Carrie I could believe. Charlotte, oh GOD I miss her, I could believe. Even Miranda I could believe but me? No way would I have guess that.  
My phone rang and I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Sam," Carrie said, "Why don't you come over?"

"Um... kind of-"

"Just come over," Carrie said, "Pretty please with a cherry on top."  
I laughed.

"Carrie," I said, "I'm **pregnant **hon"

"I KNOW. SO AM I."  
I laughed. Carrie did have a point.

"But you know what's happening," I said.

"Yeah and I don't think it matters," Carrie said, "Rose and Lily wants to see you too. Pretty please?"

"Hold on a sec," I said, "I'm getting another call."

"K," Carrie said.  
Carrie was a month more pregnant then me. She would be delivering in 3 months. TJ would be born in four.  
I picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Samantha," Miranda said.

"Oh hi," I told her, "What's up?"

"I was just thinking about you," Miranda replied, "Listen could you watch Taylor tonight?"

"Yeah. I just have to stop by Carrie's first."

"Okay," Miranda said, "I need to take Broady to a baseball game. Victoria is going to be out. I will be gone for a few hours."

"Miranda I would be glad to watch Taylor," I said, "I'll stop by Carrie's and then I will go to you directly after that."

"Thanks," Miranda said, "I owe you."


End file.
